Me and My disability: Things I can’t do because of my disability.

*Again for comedy purposes only*

  • Pass a drugs test – I am on wayyyy too much morphine for that to happen.
  • Bunge jump or sky dive – people with cerebral palsy aren’t covered by insurance companies when skydiving and yet people think it’s okay to blast me with radiation that could leave me with Spider-Man powers when I have an x-ray or MRI,
  • Yoga – i’m a bit like a barbie if I bend my legs will snap off,
  • Wear long flowing dresses – I am not going to pay £100 to just have taffeta or tulle get caught in my wheels and get caked with mud.
  • Stay up past 10 pm – #Chronicfatigueproblems
  • Do the splits – The range of movement in my legs isn’t very good and I can’t open them wide enough so when I eventually meet my life partner we will have to get inventive when it comes to ‘positions‘
  • Have more than two glasses of wine – I once at a party at my ex boyfriend’s broke into his dads drinks cabinet and drank a whole bottle of expensive whiskey… yeah, that hang over wasn’t pleasant and I was home by 10:30.
  • Be spontaneous, pack a bag and runaway to a random destination.
  • Wear high heels – my feet don’t bend and if I wanted to wear heels I would need surgery to break both my feet and then pin in place so, I think I’ll stick with my ballet flats thanks..
  • Wear a jumpsuit – hello?! Have you ever had to undress yourself to empty your catheter?! Not practical.
  • Go to a fireworks display – startle reflex (I can’t even cope with raised voices, the kids used to laugh at me in school if the teacher shouted… Here’s looking at you Mr Barron!)

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