I haven’t been myself lately and it’s great that I’ve recognised that. I have been struggling mentally as well as physically. Especially as it’s coming up to my 21st birthday I don’t think I’m ready for the next part of my life. I feel lost I don’t know what my next steps are and I’m just helping my guardian angel of the guides me and helps me find out what my purpose is. I think I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself especially with launching a book and my own lifestyle brand I forgot to look after myself.
Am I an author? Am I blogger? Am I disabled activist? I kind of don’t know who I am right now and I’m going to use this next year to find out who I am.
Depression isn’t easy and it doesn’t go away with one pill.. something you have to live with and control. It’s like me annoying an flatmate do you have to live with!
My Nan just said it’s the change of seasons. I may change my antidepressants or I may seek some counselling or it may just be a rough patch but I can’t get through like I’ve done 100 times before.
I know one thing; I’ll get through this and I’ll make people say that when I get up in the morning fuck she’s awake.
The social worker is coming out Monday (The day before my birthday) To discuss my parents having night respite so they go on dates and the housing situation. Perhaps I’ll have to start looking in the Swansea or Cardiff area. All I want is a residential place full of young people that let you do your own thing but, also learn from life skills because I’m not learning much sitting in my armchair typing away to you guys.
I hope some positives come from this meeting and that we get the ball rolling on my independence and breaking away from my mum and dad to make my own life.
I cannot wait until my new wheelchair arrived in my fantasy it arrives on my birthday! That way then I can go out, I can be comfortable and be perfectly aligned helping my back and my arthritis… this thing I’m going to do? Go to bingo, go to strip club, go and see a theatre show, go out for cocktails and my long-awaited book shopping trip… possibly a tattoo too.
I have to confess I haven’t started writing my second book because the thought of it do you stress me out in the moment and I want to be in the right place so that is it my best work for you guys.
Right now I’m just going to casually blog every now and then. I want to make the writing process phone again and not stressful. I want to go back to being fun and going back to what I write because I think that’s been lost with the success of my blog and my book.
If you’re feeling like me; don’t hold anything, go talk to someone. Don’t let anyone see your tiara slip; you’re not a princess, you’re a motherfucking queen and you can get through this and come out stronger.
Even rainbows need a little rain